Empty me. Fill me. Use me. - Mother Olga

When I began this ministry in 2020 dedicated to Saint Gianna, I had six pregnancies and six healthy children. I would frequently receive prayer requests from women who had miscarriages, stillbirth or those who struggled with infertility. While praying for these women, I felt badly because I couldn't relate to their pain. But in 2021, all of that would change.

In June 2021, I suffered my first miscarriage. I was on vacation and the sorrow of that moment overshadowed the joys we felt together as we rested and relaxed at the beach. As we drove 10 hours back home, I thought, "Now Lord, I know." I felt so sad and would cry constantly. I was now emptied of the security of healthy pregnancies and babies. I now could sympathize with the women who reached out to me who had lost a baby. In August, the day after my 40th birthday I had a positive pregnancy test. Normally, I'd be filled with joy. This time, the fear of the unknown took over and instead, I was filled with anxiety. What if this one will end too? I carried Faustina Teresa for 11 weeks. Each appointment, the progress was a little more. At the 5-week appointment there was a faint heartbeat that got a little stronger each week. Then, on October 13th, I received the news that she was gone. I suffered a missed miscarriage. My body thought I was still pregnant, but the baby had passed. I had a traumatic meeting with the new OBGYN at the practice who did the work of the devil. "You're old. You already have sick kids, why do you want another? "Just go on the pill because you're going to keep miscarrying anyway." He did not offer a tissue, words of support or comfort. His words felt like a hammer on my already broken heart." At that moment, I have felt the lowest I had ever felt in my life, and the days that would follow were very dark. I was totally EMPTIED. I had nothing left. I didn't know how to pray or what to pray.

Then, I cried out to God and He sent my Spiritual Director whose name is actually, Jesus (Father Jesus Rosario to be exact!). I told him that my soul was in despair and I felt like the devil was trying to get me to abandon God. My spiritual director came right over and did the anointing of the sick because he knew I was sick, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. When I was anointed, I received many immediate graces and saw that God in that moment FILLED ME. It was because I reached for Him, I clung to the fading light. I saw that God allowed this to happen not to cause me pain, but to help me be a better minister to those who came to our ministry who suffered loss or infertility. I suffered one more loss in January, and two more in 2025, but my pain now had a purpose. I was sad, but I knew God did not cause this pain, He was going to use it for something bigger but I had to give Him permission to do so. God never forces us to do anything.

After experiencing beautiful consolations after the Anointing of the Sick, it was time for God to USE ME. I thought back to my loss at 11 weeks and how I didn't want any woman to feel the pain I felt with no one to comfort me at the doctor's office. I didn't want husbands to feel like they were alone in not only carrying their cross of lost fatherhood, but the pain of seeing their wife suffer and not being able to do anything to help her. So, I took some donated items from my beautiful ministry sister, Allison Seitz, who also lost babies to miscarriage. I began sending little prayer cards and Rosary decades to women who lost their babies. These packages became a balm to many hurting women. So much so, that some of those women decided to donate other items from their shops to help comfort others. Today, our care packages have a variety of items that were hand made by other mothers who lost their babies. Michelle donated ornaments, Kate donated a painting of Mary and her baby, Sarah donates Rosaries and bracelets in memory of her daughter, Catherine, who was stillborn at 37 weeks. In this instance, all these women were EMPTIED, FILLED AND allowed God to USE them to do something for others. The pain, much like the pain experienced by Our Lord on the Cross, had a bigger purpose. I received an email from parents who lost their infant daughter and received a care package from us. Here is a bit of what they wrote, "The wooden cross for my husband is greatly appreciated and he has it with him always. Each item you sent and prayed over means so much to us. We appreciate you and feel the love of God through all you have done for us. It means more than words can adequately express..." This email serves as a reminder that if the women who helped put together had sat in their pain forever and hardened their hearts to God, this family would have not received this comfort. By letting God USE us, we in turn help FILL others with His love.

EMPTY ME. FILL ME. USE ME. is something I have heard this Lent on Hallow. It is a saying by Mother Olga who started a religious order called "Daughters of Mary of Nazareth" dedicated to helping others through a "ministry of presence." As we venture into the first full week of Lent, where we ask the Lord to empty us of all that attaches us to the world and not to Him, I invite you to pray this simple prayer of Mother Olga.

EMPTY ME. FILL ME. USE ME.

Empty Me: Lord, empty me of my attachments. Help me to give up my will to you, to have a spirit of acceptance of your Holy Will, even when it is hard. Especially if it is hard.

Fill Me: Lord, by the power of the Holy Spirit, fill me with grace. Help me to be filled with love of You, and to have that love spill over into acts of faith, hope and charity.

Use Me: Jesus, if I stay in myself and sit in my pain, I am miserable. My pain at times seems unbearable, but I ask You today to use me. Use me for your kingdom. Help me to see the ways I can take my pain and give it over for a greater purpose knowing that I may be able to help others in their sufferings.

Amen.

May you all have a blessed Lent!